Going through the Motions!

Today is one of those days when nothing is really wrong but nothing is really right either. I am sitting here bored with work and yet craving another beach or tropical vacation. There is a part of me that just wants to be free you know just escape to a place where there is nothing but natural sound and still ness of being that surrounds me. I want it to be optional to go into work or stay home I want it to be optional to just be no rules!!! No because I have to thoughts just fucking go and be and do what ever appeases me. Believe it or not I don't have many days when I can do what I want to do! Its always what's best for everyone or myself alone. Or perhaps....

Maybe its the holiday blues or that funk some of us experience as the holidays approaches. Lately I wonder about so many things in my life I see my peers growing in their careers, falling in love, marrying, traveling, buying homes and creating families. I feel stuck, consumed, just in a rut!  I am sitting here at work with a cheap coffee searching the internet looking for answers on the who, what , where, and how? Some would say those answers are within me but fuck I got nothing?  Maybe Oprah can help but she's only going to reference a book that I will be stuck trying to figure when the hell to read it!

How is it some people have always seemed so sure of life and the directions to take. I for one feel as though these last couple of years I have been winging it! You know just going with instinct and hoping like hell I don't fuck up!  I really hope my seconds, minutes, hours, and this day gets better because at present I am going through the motions. I am not sure who will read this but I am sure you can agree that some days are just like this.  If only I could start and end my day with Yoga!!!

Its been 30 days!!!! (30 Day notice)!!

So ladies have you even had some someone vamp on you. I mean this guy didn't  leave notice or advance warning well its been 30 days.  I am like what changed your mind , why is that you want to talk and spend time now my friends telling me to chill and go with the flow. I am like really should I just chill its easy to say what I should and shouldn't do after you spent you last 30 days with your man. I have spent my 30 days wondering if it was something I had done was I too blunt, was I too laid back, I know I am the model type so what was the problem. Its good to hear from you but I still have alot of unanswered questions. At first I'll admit I was hella excited to hear his voice. I smiled and you could hear it in my voice but then reality set in that it had been 30 days. I am way to much fun,fine,sexy, sophisticated to just get benched. I am wondering who did you spend your days and nights with?  Who did you invite out to enjoy being the center of your attention? Why is it now you want to get back into my good graces is this a game? I must admit I am not one for teasing my self so now I am pondering should I?? I know I have spent countless nites and days alone. I think of all the times I tried to text and got no reply! Your excuse baby my phone been acting up think of countless voicemails I had left you and didnt get a call for weeks. I am saying you could have given me a DAmn 30 days notice!!!